Whose gain and whose loss?

I was young, a blossoming bud

Carefree and flamboyant, at the zenith of my youth

Free spirited in my own sense.

This was as usual against the expected norm

Raised in a traditional faith family

My way of being was perceived wrong.   

I was too outgoing to be tied to anyone

This was fear enough for them to hook me up

Tie me to him in a lifelong wedlock;

I was young and my wings were crushed

Wings with which I wanted to fly 

A life, little messy, but mine.

It resulted in a deadlock

I was never made for it

Not sure how much of their fears were addressed;

But I was destined for a challenge ahead

I now jostle my way through

Living compromised and restless each day.

At the cost of my parents

To be a good daughter, 

I sacrificed my freedom to dispel their fears

And now not just me, but we all suffer-

those who brought me in this 'World', my child and he,

Don't know for whose fault exactly.

Baffled and struggling to reclaim my buried self 

I wonder whose gain and whose loss it is

whoever gained or whoever lost

A lost sense of me, remains inside me 

Standing at the crossroads of life

just in case I am able to find myself.

July 29, 2016