Yearning for a friend

Leisa, a girl of my age, timid, introvert, over disciplined, image conscious, driven by a sturdy inferiority complex and oblivious of the world around, is today, a fairly well informed adult, mentally strong and confident. She is doing well in her career and is very ambitious and focused. She has a past which luckily most of us have, if not all, that of her school, the days, which are cherished to the life time. Leisa has settled in her life, with a satisfying career, and has nearly received all that she could have dreamt, if she could. She thinks she is the odd one in her virtual ‘friend circle’. I say ‘virtual’ because she actually has no ‘gang of friends’. In fact, not even a single one whom she can count on as a close friend from ‘school days’, the ‘langotia yaar’ (childhood best pals).

Leisa became ‘a part’ of some group of 4-5 friends only when was in the high school, because of the same stream batch of students in 11^th and 12^th grade. She was crazy enough to yearn for one close friend for whom she would be a priority. I feel her obsession for such a friend, to whom she would matter most, and the wish to possess this one friend, was not well placed in her case. Because of this insecurity which burgeoned out of various reasons and her modest background, she often laments for being alone, and friendless. Given the dullness of her lifestyle and highly constrained childhood led to a giant inferiority complex in her. She recalls how she was a perpetual misfit among others. She states that there was nothing in her, which could make her desirable of others’ friendship. Resultantly, she avoided visiting her friends’ house for the apprehension that she too would have to call them home, which was highly unlike their little mansions. Not that she did not have friends, but in none she found a truly close friend, who could make her feel welcome and always needed. Yet, she did try to be in touch with one or two, who in turn never perhaps considered her a valued friend.

So as I mentioned, her background, perhaps, never allowed her to transcend the invisible fences propped up by the ‘wealth and riches’. All that she had with her were the dream and aspirations of her parents from her, and the realisation that the situation could change only with her being economically sound. This realisation was so deeply entrenched in her psyche that she could never live a life of her age. The virtual load of responsibilities towards the family was always there. Never did she bunk school, miss her classes, make male friends, trouble her teachers, attend the conti-parties that were organised by girls themselves, practice any ill for the sake of trying it out, brake rules, and do all those crazy things that normally girls at that age would atleast want to try out for the sake of adventure and fun.  The self assumed responsibilities outweighed any other desire but to target only education and a job, soon after that.

Leisa was fortunate that despite pecuniary hurdles almost throughout their lives, her parents decided to give her the best of education, which included even university education. Leisa today is an epitome of the nearly fulfilled dreams of her parents and indeed feels satisfied of being a good daughter and a fine sensitive human being.

It’s not that Leisa regrets what she is today, but somewhere, while moving back and forth in her recollections of those days, she grieves the fact that she is alone without any friend. As I mentioned at the outset, she was the odd one because in every respect she finds a stark contrast between others and herself. Leisa remembers how she used to be excluded from participating in such programmes organised by students themselves on teachers’ day and other such occasions. The selection used to be done by classmates among themselves, where they would select the ‘more outgoing and confident’ ones, who by default turned out to be the well-off ones.

Sometimes, when she views her so called friends on social networking sites, she sees herself grossly missing from the list of tagged friends in old school pictures. This makes her think how she is just no one for anyone. Her presence or absence never matters to anyone. She is alone, and craves for a friend.

She is doing fairly well in her life, and is blessed with people around her to make her realise the worth of being a ‘self-made’ girl, and better that she was not born with a silver spoon. Nonetheless, the consolation doesn’t help her much in reducing the agony of the fact that she is ‘peer-less’.

Many may think that Leisa is perhaps irrational and over demanding, but I empathise with her. We would normally befriend and want to acquaint ourselves with people of rich social background, but seldom do we make friends with seemingly ‘simple’ and people of ‘modest backgrounds’. While the quiet ones have to make efforts to make themselves noticed by others, those that are articulate and socially well positioned, end up being approached by the majority. This is a reality, and people like Leisa need to still continue being unconditional in their human dealings and move ahead in life with all lessons that life teaches.

I am happy to hear from her that she is a much stronger and independent individual, with a mind of her own and does not shy away from venting out her grief in private over the scrambled memories of what she desired and could not get. At this point, I shared with her about my friend, whom she also has in her life, that one person, who is more precious and valuable than anything and everything in the world, who never forsakes, and loves unconditionally. For Him, we are special, and a priority. Human relations are bound to come to an end, but His relationship with us never dies. In fact, He alone has helped her move up in life and given her all that she has asked and even silently desired. I think, she has now realised the worth of this friend, and promised me of never crying over what she doesn’t have, but to be thankful of what she has in abundance, which no human could ever give her, never!

Picture Courtesy: flywithdreams23.blogspot.com